About Me

I have a thing for new beginnings and fresh starts.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Fat Blog- Day 87, 88, 89 + 90

On a scale of one to lame, I am quite lame. I spent last week eating like a 500 pound man. I feel like garbage. I've been too much of a coward to weigh myself for the past week and I have no idea how much weight I put on but I gained at least a a pound. I can feel it in my belly region. I really dislike my belly. Belly is on my list.

I wrote this short story in college called Tummy and I. It was roughly autobiographical about this crush I had who wanted NOTHING to do with me. I had convinced myself that it was excess body fat thwarting my many attempts to hook up with him but it turns out that he thought I was a bitchy radical. Our stars crossed in many ways. If he wasn't so hot I'd probably have slit his throat and publicly bled him over his position on education reform. I was a bit extreme in college.

Apparently, he found it really un-sexy when I would...

1. openly mocked him for being uber-conservative
2. joke about lining the bible belt with dynamite. It was part of my plan to unite the east and west coast; I was sold on day trips to LA. He never seemed excited about it. I told him I'd give him a week to evacuate his family.
3. not want to watch movies that stereotyped black women
4. roll my eyes in the middle of his sentences.
5. ask if he was serious... then role my eyes... then ask if he wanted to hang out.

I am sure there were more un-sexy things that I did that I just didn't notice. The whole time I assumed it was because my tummy wasn't flat enough.

Coincidentally, he ended up hooking up with a coworker who was much more cooperative and, not so coincidentally, much chubbier than I was.


Greta&Kiki said...

Ok, this is kind of totally not related, but my brain hurts. Probably from the stupid food I just ate...but...my son...who is 7...calls a certain presidential candidate Yobama. I dig it. Feel free to use it.


Meanwhile, my word verification code was "drdxixsx". That's effed up.


Nic said...

YO, Yobama, you da man! I am totally getting buttons printed!

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