About Me

I have a thing for new beginnings and fresh starts.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Fat Blog- Day 198

How many calories does panic burn?

My gentleman friend has been out of the country for 6 weeks. In my care when he left was 125 gallons of tropical fish, two cats (one is blind and mentally slow; the other is brave...very brave) and a rat who has been in hospice care for the past 3 weeks. Keep in mind, please, that when he is here he is a graduate student with much free time on his hands to care for his wild kingdom. I, the head of household, work a demanding full time job. It's fine with me, when he's actually in the country. When he leaves... the house falls apart and I'm both unwilling and unhandy... so, quite frankly, even if I was willing I'd be useless.

My gentleman friend, in the absence of the proper fasteners, directions and hardware, will always try to fashion his own brand of a workable replacement. He is like a makeshift artist, but not a very good one. He nailed our air conditioner into the window of our Bronx apartment. When running wires his only concern is "does his arrangement make the electronics work"; he laughs in the face of function, safety and aesthetics. However, his work with his fish tank water pump is now by far my favorite.

Nicole came home today to find that 55 gallons worth of tropical fish had been pumped onto her floor. After securing the area [ aka: flailing wildly, netting whatever moved and transferring them to other tanks ], I conducted a thorough investigation. I found the water pump on the floor behind the tank with its hose still full of water. I looked for the hardware that was supposed to be attaching said hose to said tank and there was none. I interrogated the witness [ aka: cornered my brother and asked him if he remembered how the water pump was secured ] and established that, despite his geographical handicap, my gentleman friend was certainly at fault for this disaster. YOU CAN'T FAKE SECURING A WATER PUMP.

So...correction: In my care are 70 gallons of tropical fish, two cats (one is blind and mentally slow; the other is brave...very brave) and a rat who has been in hospice care for the past 3 weeks.

This is the tally of fault, blame and other such unpleasantnesses that has accrued since the gentleman friend's departure:

Nicole's List of Blame
  1. Failed to understand the broken filter and killed the knife fish.
  2. Had the nerve to be out of the house when the water pump decided to destroy lives.
  3. Lost the cat (but did also find the cat)
Gentleman Friend's List of Blame
  1. Left me with a broken fish tank filter
  2. Failed to secure his water pump correctly which resulted in 55 gallons of water on my floor.
  3. Did not train the cat to come when called. Only trained them to fear punishment

1 comment:

jonathan said...

hello dear. I hope our little kingdom is now drier than when you wrote this post. The water pump (do you mean your father's UV sterlizer?) sits on the back of the bottom tank. it sounds like you left the output tube hanging awkwardly and it slipped out of the tank and onto the floor pulling the sterlizer with it. it is not the fault of the pump it is the fault of irresponsible fingers who did not appreciate the gravity of having 55 gallons pump onto the floor. --Nicole to aisle 7 with a towelk and a mop---please ensure that the water does not rot the aquarium stand or the couch and put fans on it 24/7 until it is bone dry. Just hold down the fort a little longer I'll be home in less than 2 weeks.

Blog Archive