About Me

I have a thing for new beginnings and fresh starts.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Fat Blog- Day 367

Ahem... a much heavier, feeling, Nicole has just returned from a week in small town America (not to be confused with big town, moderately-sized town, off the beaten path, country and let's not forget crazy-crackers' town America). Nicole has had something re-emphasized to her. America (the big, small moderately sized and the crackers) is eating too much. The food isn't even that good.

The diet rut is always the same you start to slip, you make a half-hearted attempt to correct the slip and then you lose control for a few days, weeks or months and you spend too much time eating lack luster food and regretting it. Then we talk about it, joke about it, blog about it and then you're depressed and it feels hopeless.

Then the New Year comes, promising change. Don't panic, but, reality is that, the New Year is the same as the old year. In approximately March/April I will slip and in July there will be whining about the bathing suit shapes. In November there will be food, lots of food and speckled throughout the year there will be stress, concessions, compromise, new outfits, shoes, excitement, pride, accomplishment, more whining (this time about how pants fit) and food, lots of food. 2009 holds the same war that I've been waging since I was 13 years old.

It's the same old discontent with myself that I had at my heaviest 190 lbs and at my smallest 140 pounds. It's the same discontent I have now at 160 pounds. It's the same resentment that I harbor about anything that takes time, consistency and discipline. All concepts that I am stingy with, suck at and am a consistent failure with, respectively.

So 2009, we finally meet. I was disappointed with your predecessor 2008 and I have great hopes for you. I will be 30 years old soon. The corners of my eyes have the rumor of creases; my forehead has lines that I didn't recognize until recently. I'm getting older; I'm wasting my time with failure.

Coming soon... a list of things an ever-shrinking-then-expanding-Nicole would like to be better at.

5 comments:

JOR7of9 said...

Things change - especially people!
When you focus on something to the extent that you block out everything else, it occupies your world.
You have to DECIDE that you WILL NOT accept that!
You ARE the slim, athletic person you are going to be, you just have to understand how you got to be that person, and "back into" the scenario.

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